unpacking, sorting and vomit

It’s been a while since I’ve sat behind the keyboard to write what’s on my heart. It’s also been a while since I’ve stopped what I was doing long enough to think about what’s on my heart. Hell, it’s been a while since I’ve slowed down to realize that I don’t even know what’s going on in my own heart.

Writing has always been therapeutic for me. It’s how I sort out thoughts and unpack the things that I’ve been wrestling with. I’ve wrestled a lot the past year or so, but I haven’t slowed down enough to unpack and sort through the wrestling. So, there’s a lot of unpacking that I’ve got to do.

For the past year I have shifted gears drastically. I made a huge career change and I’ve become very successful in that. I believe that the Lord led me to that change and has blessed it. But within that blessing I have lost focus. I’ve been looking at the gift, and maybe I’ve lost focus on the Giver.

I’m going to enter into a season of focusing on the Giver and I would like for you to join with me… mostly in prayer. I’m going to use this time to sort through and unpack through this blog.

My goal is to have a focus that I haven’t had for years.

So here I could have erased everything that was just written and started over… but I think it’s a great testimony to how the Lord works. And just as the Lord often does, as I completed the sentence above…Elijah vomited. It was the perfect reminder that I’m not the same person that I used to be, I have 4 children, all at an age that require more of me than I’ve ever given. The Lord was quick to remind me that the years of focusing on the Giver were not in vain and the years of focusing on my children are just as important. There will be a chance to return to that level of focus but he has given me gifts that require care, the best way to honor Him is to honor them.

So with that, I will be continuing to write, and wrestle and unpack… but in a “live blogging” turn of events, I won’t be doing it with guilt. I’ll be doing it with a new perspective. I still ask that you pray for me as I do attempt to renew atleast portions of my former life, and integrate them into what I am now. But maybe also, pray that I do this all without a sense of guilt to be something that was another season, something that will probably return, something that I loved, but something that is ok to not have right now.

 

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unpacking, sorting and vomit

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